Losing A Loved One

Here I sit in Wisconsin in my Aunt Mary’s hosipce room, as she lay dying. I’m feeling myriad emotions and tohughts are surfacing that I haven’t had in years. I’ve met with a nubmer of my relatives, siblings, cousins, and brother-in-law. It seems that I only see them when somebody dies. How unfortuante and yet I’m still glad for the reunion.My aunt is pain free for at this moment and completely unconscious, as she has been since my arrival last night.
It seems that she decided this is the time to leave the planet, and has refused food for a week at this moemnt. The staff seem to go along with her wishes. So we wait for the ienvitable. Meanwhile her breathing is labored and you hear a constant gurgling, since she has a challenge swallowing.
The staffs of nurses come in periodically and check on her, readujst her medication or oxygen supply. It’s a procses I hope I don’t have to go through.

We have al wished my Aunt Mary peace and said she can go if she wants to.

We all told her we love her. The nursing staff suggested that she might not even make it to today, but like Terri Shivo, she is hanging on a couple of more days.I feel somewhat helpless, since I can’t do anything to help the situation.

This is the first time as an adult that I’ve had warning that death is impending. The other lives I’ve been associated with all left suddenly.

My hottest friend committed suicide, and I found him. My grandparents each died suddenly after a short trip to the hospital, as did my dad.
My mom was killed in a head-on collision, coming to volunteer at this hospital almost 15 years ago. My sister had an aneurism and died instantly 2 years ago.I’ve had a lot of loss in my life.
Even as I type this I feel tears welling up in my eyes. It’s not a wonder I’ve been feeling the sdaness associated with loss lately. I’m sure I haven’t fully dealt with the loss of my sister and maybe not loss in general.

I feel the aloneness from my siblings, this is I feel aolne compared to them. They seem to have their own life this is mostly separate form mine.Maybe the lack of rest is catching up with me, since I’m yawning and my eyes are watering. I’m taking advantgae of being here to catch up with some friends as well. Wayne Dyer says friends are God’s way of making up for your realtives. Probably right.So here I sit waiting. Sooner or atfer my aunt will take her last breath. I was hoping to have a conscious talk with her, but that may never hpapen. I’m not sure what radio station we’re listening to there is no commercials, and an eclectic variety of tunes. I finally decided to turn on Lawrence Welk on PBS. Even thuogh I really didn’t like the program, my aunt always loved watching it.After 10 hours of my vigil, I told my aunt that she will be ok, and we will as well. They say the last tihng to go is the hearing. Shortly thereafetr my Aunt Mary did transition. The nursing staff came in to reposition her and did a suctioinng of her throat to clear it.
I had left the room for a couple of minutes to give my aunt her pirvacy. I returned and the nursing staff came in to chcek her vital signs. Shrotly thereafter her breathing slowed then stopped. This was a first for me. I’ve never been present for a human being when they transitioned. I felt sad, but I knew she was at peace.I Don’t know what to feel. Men often disconnect their feelings for survival, at least in thier mind. I’m no different. My feelings come and go, at laest on a conscious level.
Even though I have studied how to deal with emotions, I still have normal resisatnce to dealing with them. Sometimes it’s hard to tell if I really don’t have unexpressed emotions, or if I have actaully learned acceptance as life happens.

I suspect it’s a combinaiton.

People often mask thier feelings and put on a face to show the world.
Sometimes it’s due to not knowing what to do, sometimes fear of compeltely falling apart. We will find a time when we will deal with our emotions. It will happen when we feel safe. It needs to happen. We often continue our life as though nothing happened.

I find that writnig helps me to express myself.

I enocurage clients to do the same. Try it yourself.

If you need help epxressing your feelings, find somebody who can help you.

Friends, family often can be supportive.
Someitmes however a professional coach or therapist is needed.

If you need help, find it.

Life changes, and if we want better results we need to do soemthing different.
It’s wotrh your effort to do the emotional healing to create the life you want.John Seeley Life Coach~Speaker and Author of Get Unstuck! The Simple Guide to Restart Your Life. http://www.Getunstuck.ComJohn Seeley is President/CEO of Blue Moon Wonders and HeartFire Seminars, specialize in educational & presonal growth workshops and products.John grew up in the Midwest the youngest of five children.

He has worked all over the country for Fotrune 500 companies. John has been involved in personal growth & coaching sicne 1990. He works with individuals and business executives who have a commitment to making positive changes and awkaening a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment in their lives and companies. John is a catalyst for change your life and has been in the lievs of many people. John’s books Get Unstuck!

and Get Unstuck!